leBALCONduVERRE/ed.9.0/__{ adieu.tristesse }

29.3.07

I feel, through all the things I've experienced in the short time I've been alive, I've changed a lot. My opinions, tastes, and religion has all changed over time. Some of the things I'd taken the most comfort in years ago, now I look at it and wonder how in hell I was interested in it in the first place.

But.

There has been one constant. The one thing I always return to--when I'm at the lowest of low, the deepest of the depths I've felt. The depth where all you can do is sit and exist, where you can't rationalize the importance of doing anything.

Music. The one thing I can always rely on. The only thing that seems to make me truly happy. Sometimes, I feel like it's the only thing I have.

And I absolutely crave to create it. It's a hunger that hits me with such power, I can hardly stand it. To create for myself that which makes me happy. But I can only do so much, and my physical ability is so less developed than my inspiration. I fight to get out that melody, that beautiful strain of notes in my mind, but sometimes, especially lately, it just won't translate to my fingers. And I listen to the musical savants and am moved beyond all tangible emotion. If only I could do that.

How could a combination of complementing sound waves draw out such raw, powerful feeling? I wish I knew. It's the only proof that something more is out there.

It's my faith. Music is my religion.

† Anonymous at 8:07 PM ‡